Blah, Blah, part 2

Well, it's been a couple days since I've last confessed my current state of being, and with reluctant hesitancy, I can say that not much has changed. I've received some support from friends and fellow blogger's (you know who you are :)), and amidst the advice and support--I find no energy to even try. As one friend put it, I'm stuck in a funk and it feels like the walls are closing in. I use every bit of energy to keep myself afloat and that doesn't leave much to even have a desire to eat.

I've forced myself to do things to help keep my mind from it all, but with little success. I reach out to my saviour constantly, but they slippery slim covering my spiritual hands just doesn't hold. So I fall back down, sinking to a point where my arms are all I have supporting me. As if I were in a pool of quicksand, slowly sucking me down. I try not to move to slow the decent, but down I still go--I hear that's the survival technique in such an event.

Another sunny day outdoors, overwhelming darkness inside. My bulbs are lit, but shine very dim if hardly at all. I'm forced with a decision of what to do tonight. I know being with friends is probably best--but frankly, when I was down before after Jack died, being with friends didn't help the feelings inside. Staying at home, drowning in my thoughts is easy--perhaps adding to the misery; but a drunk driver would probably drive better than I. One spark from a dysfunctional driver may just send me into a ruthless crazy; now my misery affects others. How great a person am I?

Oh God, where art thou? I really miss your company.